Ken Kelly, the author of this post, is a missionary member of our church. He is married to Terra and has three children: Aubrey, Cayce, and Caleb.
God told me from the beginning of my fast that he would be glorified in it and that even my children would be able to look back at this time and say, “That’s when things changed in our family." I just didn’t know writing a blog would be part of it all. You see, I don’t share well. I struggle with openness–even with my family. To add to my dilemma this blog is about something immensely personal.
Why I Fasted
So why did I fast? Because I felt I was starving unto death.
No. Not for food. I was starving for the brokenness of my life to be fixed. Starving for finances and relationships, for sin and failure to be made new and given back to me repaired and fresh. I was praying “God fix my finances, the sin in my life, the despair in my heart. Give me vision and clarity for the future” and on and on. God was saying “I seek a relationship with you.”
Let me just say, fasting is not all together easy. The biggest problem is not hunger though, it is selfishness. So, while I entered this fast with great anticipation of God and I working together to fix some things in my life, God had his own list. First, he helped me take my eyes off of me and put them on him–I had forgotten that it really is all about him. Secondly, God helped to move me from feeling that I needed him to repair something to realizing that my relationship with him was broken.
Seeking God Above All
For the first time in my life I sought to put aside everything but seeking God. That decision became a changing point not just in the fast, but also for my life. God started working in me to draw me closer to him. I began to realize the enormous efforts he put into pursuing me and I began to realize the things that keep us separated.
What I Learned
By the end of the fast there were two things that I was absolutely certain of in my relationship with God. First–that he is great and mighty and the thought of his majesty caused, and still causes, me to tremble with fear. Psalm 119:120 says "my flesh trembles in fear of you; I stand in awe of your laws."
The second is that I am a redeemed and adopted child of the same God that I tremble before. Because I am adopted I can boldly come before God’s throne and with confidence have fellowship with him (Hebrews 4:16). He has proven his love in the cross of Jesus.
God answered me and drew me close to him (Psalm 3:4). I had wanted God to change my circumstances and while there is still a lot to fix, he is changing many of the things I brought before him, especially how I look at them.